I feel so sad, I have been married for 4 years and have a baby, my mother in law lives in our apartment since day one. Things were good for a while then turned sour. She tries all she can to make me look like the bad one and her as the victim in my husbands eyes. We had all planned christmas at our home and invited my mom (recently divorced) and my sister and brother, We chose to do it in our home because my mom has memories in her house. Anyways last night my in law decided to make a scene and told my husband that I am mean and that I am rude and treat her bad! and that she doesnt want to be in the christmas dinner and will stay inside her room all day!! shes acting like a little girl. I feel like i a did something wrong?? Im so depressed! I was so happy to have this christamas becase my son can now walk and knows whats going on, santa etc.. and she is ruining everyrthing. Im embarssased to tell my mom that we should cancel the dinner and I dont think its fair either. what should I do??? I wish I knew if this woman will get what she wants; to have us separate (((((( and I have tried talking to my hubby and he defends her in all ways

I can't really offer advice or readings, but as someone who loves all the joys family can bring at this time of year (*sarcasm*) I can sympathise with you.

I would leave her to it, if she wants to stay in her room and sulk, let her. Don't let her ruin your day. If people ask why she's in there just tell them that you had a falling out and she's now refusing to leave the room. It's the truth, and people will generally infer what they will from it.

Honestly, she's probably just trying to get a rise out of you. She'll come out as soon as she hears people having fun and the smell of the food. If she does join you, just be civil and accomodating. I think it's probably mostly an attempt to get attention when people do things like this, when they KNOW there's a gathering coming up.

All the best.

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Let fools act aimlessly and without cause. Thou shouldst, in the present, contemplate the future.

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This happens usually early in every marriage where a married couple need to decide that they are a family unit and take priority. Your MIL will respect her son if he defends you. I had a similar situation early on and I just explained to my hubby that I believed that a husband and wife should stand up for each other to everyone. I explained that even if my beloved Grandmother should say anything against him that I would defend him. He said, "you are right" and after that he defended me at the next opportunity. From that moment on both of his parents respected me and him 100% more. They stopped treating him like a child after that as well. To defend me, he didn't have to choose between us at all. He just got angry enough to let them see it and told them that he was disappointed that they couldn't see how hard I had worked and tried to make everything nice for them. He told me that his Mom actually started crying, apologized and that his Dad backed right down. I didn't know what had changed, but I noticed a change that happened shortly before they left that year. He told me about it after they left. Sadly his Father passed on and I never saw his Father again. But people often mistake his Mother for my Mother now because she and I get along just fine.

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Your marriage should not have interference from anybody. The choices made should be made by you and your husband . Together you are one.
Sometimes people having nothing better to do but be petty and miserable. Just because their lives are miserable. Does'nt need to reflect on your marriage.
I would go about your plans with or without her.
If she shows respect .Give it back. If she does'nt. Ignore her . If you fall into her grips it will take you down to her miserable self.
I hope this helps. Stick to how you feel. Be proud of who you are. Don't let anybody make you feel depressed or sad. It's not worth it.
I know .
Blessed Be
WickedSky

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I agree with Daisy and Inkky.

If she wants to spend the holiday in her room, let her.

My father ruined every holiday I had growing up by behaving like a child. If we hadn't carried on without him, it would have been much worse.

It sounds like your mom needs some family support right now, and your son certainly deserves to have a happy holiday season, as well.

Warn everyone ahead of time, and make the best of it, hon.

I think Daisy is right, as soon as she realizes that the festivities are going on without her, she will probably change her mind and join in. Just make sure you don't give her any indication that you are even considering changing your plans for her. If she gets control of this situation, it will only get worse.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. It makes me mad at my father all over again!

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"Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's a time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey" ~ Drops of Jupiter by Train

I agree! Let her lock herself in the room. Its her loss. I may not be married and I may be young, but I saw this same problem when my family and I moved into my granmother's house (on my father's side). My grandma is a really great person... but its something about living with them that makes them turn sour, lol. The solution: Move out. It solved our problems.

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"I'll chain you to the truth, for the truth shall set you free." - Lamb of God

An important thing to keep in mind here is that her actions and comments are about her; her insecurities, her frustration, her lack of control. She is taking these out on you, partially because you are reacting. You are providing her with a sense of control that she feels she does not have.

There's a lot more to this dynamic, a lot of history which we are not aware of. Normally I would hesitate to suggest much given the lack of in depth understanding but this sounds like an extreme case. One of the best pieces of advice several folk here have already suggested. Let her spend the day in her room if she wants. She is an adult and is free to make such choices. Treat her with respect, modeling how you would like her to treat you, and letting her know the decision is hers to make but she would be welcome to join the whole family if she changes her mind.

Remember, her choice is not a reflection on you. Share the holiday season with those members of your family who do want to share it.

Be well.
M

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R. Bach

I think you've been given some great advice, try not to llet her manipulate you. If she wishes to spend the day in her room, then so be it, but let her know she would be welcome if she would like to join in. I really don't think you should cancel the dinner.

I hope everything works out OK for you and that you have a lovely day with your family.

Briganta

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Don't let her push you around Dear,

On the flip side, Smile and have a great holiday, let her stay in her room, it might make it an even better day if she does.

Seriously don't let her run your home. Have a long heart to heart talk with your husband.

I hope it works out well for you.

Blessings

Elia V

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I hope your christmas day worked out,,,,, did she spend it in her room. she sounds like a very insecure woman who is desperate to keep the reins on her lil` boy. Maybe you have to be the strong one here, anyway would love to know how it went
thinking of you all

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Dea Lunea

Bless me Gods, for you are in me.
Light the path, and travel together we.

reading your origional post broke my heart. I've been where you were with that situation. The sad thing is, you have a little one in the mix, I didn't. If she couldn't get over her infantile behavior for the sake of that child, she deserved to miss out on that special day. there's nothig you could have done to fix that one. As far as your husband goes, let him be the 'momma's boy" if that's the stance he chooses. you and your son deserve sooooooo much better. igore the ones that would hurt you and remain blessed by the child that you have tried so hard to keep from that hurt.

Blessed be!